Uncategorized

The Last Day of my 20s – I’ve Been Having a Record Year

Hello, it’s me. Bad to the Blonde – Dani on the Daily. It has been a record year. I have had Record Year by Eric Church on repeat since the song came out not too long ago and it really sums up this last year for me.

Since you turned the tables on me (since I left San Diego – the breakup was my choice) and was packing up our last place together on my 29th birthday, I won’t forget how we were crying together at the table over the Red Lobster dinner  and the gifts he brought home for me when we weren’t even together but kinda holding on – all this stuff he didn’t have to do but he knew I was alone, stressed and sad, and all this was happening (go figure) around my birthday.

Wow, 29 really sucked (the whole year, not just my birthday). My 28th birthday sucked, too. Now you see why turning 30 is such a big deal for me.

I’ve been steady and learnin’ lonely. Of course I’ve been lonely. It has been a big change from leaving California with just the strength and love from my Nokona and starting over, again, here in Arizona. But I found strength and faith I didn’t know I had. I cried tears I didn’t know I had either on that long six hour drive. The longest drive of my life. I also found peace and happiness though.

Keepin’ this turntable spinnin’
Everything from Jones to Jennings
Slowly plannin’ my survival
In a three-foot stack of vinyl

Music has helped me heal and helped me find strength this year. I have cried through a lot of music. Hours of music. I have jammed out and sang my heart out (my awful voice) to a lot of music! I have worked out to a lot of music. I have road tripped to a lot of music. I won’t forget that last day and that last hug, the final tears and pain I felt in those moments in that place, and with literally no help. My strength was my dog and whatever I had in me to get me through this. Thank God for my truck and that my Dad taught me to pull a trailer. Thank God I am stronger than I thought. I also found out how much stuffI really do have and thank God for those two awesome helping hands of two men who helped me load that trailer (no joke, there was no room for one more thing).

Since you had to walk on outta here
I’ve been havin’ a record year

Damn I am crying as I type this. It has been a Record Year. Believe me. It’s been a tough one. I am recapping it on my last day of my 20s for my own sake (and if you have read it this far – thank you). My heart still hurts thinking about it. It hurts. Still. It stings. For some reason. It was the all the memories both good and a bad. All the time. Time you can’t get back. To love or leave? To hold on or to let go? It is easier to leave. It was easier to let go.

I bet you thought before you left
I’d just sit in silence by myself
Turn this house into a jail
Dyin’ slow in a livin’ hell

IMG_9176

I moved to Arizona safely. Thank God. He was with me. “Back to the ranch” as we say here! This is the house I have been living in. It has been been my jail. It has been my place of captivity. Ot has been a place of safety and place that I truly felt at home (and I hadn’t felt that in years). I didn’t ever feel at home in California. It always felt so temporary (like that wasn’t a sign). This house has been a jail for me because it has been a place for me to heal. Discover. And pay my dues. Literally.

This jail has been my heartbreak through an earthquake. No joke. I’ve been screwed over by a roommate who I thought was a friend and a grown man (bow, was I wrong), and by a best friend that I’ve had since high school (I was wrong again).

But love’s got a funny way of keepin’ score
And your leavin’ lit up my scoreboard
I usually make it through side A sober
All bets are off when I flip her over
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
I’m havin’ a record year

One bourbon, one scotch, one beer. I have had a lot of bourbon and some scotch too, and plenty of beer this past year! I honestly have drank to this song several times, and yes, wine was included. This year hasn’t been the happiest for me. Or the most pleasant. I’ve lost jobs and left jobs behind, and struggled to pay my bills. I had to figure it out for myself when I was at my weakest. Through all this I’ve found strength – thank God for those around me. Especially my Mom. I can’t believe how much I cried (and how much I held back too). Thank God for Nokona who licked my tears and always curled up by me. She also made me laugh. She got me out of the house in those final weeks there. She knew I needed her. She road that drive as pictured.

Quarter notes and Hank’s half time
Are poundin’ on this heart of mine
Song to song, I pass my time
With these speakers on ten
Your good-and-gone keeps me up all night
Along with Songs In The Key Of Life
I’m either gonna get over you
Or I’m gonna blow out my ears
Yeah, you’re out there now
Doin’ God knows how, and I’m stuck here
Havin’ a record year

So many songs to pass the time. That drive was miserable. His good-and-gone creeps up a lot and it has all night. I have moved on and I am honestly happy again, and I didn’t blow out my ears. Well, I got close! I might have some noise damage. My job doesn’t help though. We are both doing fine.

Your leavin’ left me goin’ crazy
I’m countin’ on a needle to save me
I drop it in the groove
And we go ’round and ’round
And down in a spiral
I guess I really oughta call and thank you
I rediscovered Red Headed Stranger
Got down with old James Brown
And found New Grass Revival
If you find your way back, I owe you a beer
For my record year

I definitely owe him a beer for this record year. I think I need to thank him, actually. He went down in a spiral, too. We both did but that is just part of a breakup and it does get better. I was actually the one that did the breaking. But it doesn’t matter. It still hurt and was hard as hell. Cheers.

I had a contract not renewed that was supposed to be. In other words, I lost my job. But I also gained a few new opportunities, too!

I’ve been at rock bottom (heart, soul, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially). I don’t think I have ever cried that hard for so many days straight. I still cry every time I leave San Diego because it brings back those painfully hard days. I have never felt weaker (and I have broken my back a couple times and have had several surgeries).

We lost our family dog Molly (a rescued golden retriever) who made so much progress in the short time she was with my parents. It broke my heart again.

This is not just a birthday “year” for me. This has been a year of hell for me. A year that has challenged me physically, emotionally and mentally, and financially.

It hasn’t all been bad, though!

I am proud of myself for officially living alone for the first time in my life. I never want a roommate again after this year.

I have officially been single for a year (almost two “technically” but I officially left my last relationship and the house we shared about this time last year).

I have added a new dog to my family since my roommate(s) know longer live with me. Nor does his dog. Or her dog. Nor do I have a couch (and I have my first civil court appearance coming up – obviously not my first court appearance. I like to party. LOL).

62dc2442-c7ae-4042-b211-b1dd4df6d16a

I rewarded myself with a new bed to sleep in (Nokona wrecked my last one) and it is a king size for me and the dogs! I’ve always wanted one.

I have finally organized my shoes (man, I have a lot of them)!

I turned vegetarian for health reasons. It is also cheaper. And, I am skinnier and leaner!

I shot for Harley-Davidson as a model and rider (kinda fun working with a chase truck) four frickin times and have probably been in your mailbox!

I briefly dated an NFL football player (he was from the Midwest but his football team is Minnesota’s rival).

I finally got my first paid job with my new agency here in Arizona after almost a year (you can see me in Miraval Resort ads, videos and publications).

I was in TWO  2016 calendars – 2016 K&N Filters and the 2016 Unknown Industries.

unnamed12540714_10107110219969120_4471050345649968975_n

I was offered a reporting position much bigger and more bad ass than my last (stay tuned).

I started a blog (your reading it now). And a vlog (click here).

I also almost made it on the TV show the Bachelor/Bachelorette (I was a finalist but things changed at the very last minute) but he wouldn’t have been my type anyway.

Next year starts now for me. Right now. I was never a big fan of New Year’s anyway…it’s going to be so much better you’ll see. Just watch. Because I am over you. I am over this year and the trials. And, I have found a place to call home.

View More: http://laurenjphotography.pass.us/dani-1View More: http://laurenjphotography.pass.us/dani-1

 

XOXO

embed.php

 

Record Year
Eric Church
Since you turned the tables on me
I’ve been steady and learnin’ lonely
Keepin’ this turntable spinnin’
Everything from Jones to Jennings
Slowly plannin’ my survival
In a three-foot stack of vinyl
Since you had to walk on outta here
I’ve been havin’ a record yearI bet you thought before you left
I’d just sit in silence by myself
Turn this house into a jail
Dyin’ slow in a livin’ hell
But love’s got a funny way of keepin’ score
And your leavin’ lit up my scoreboard
I usually make it through side A sober
All bets are off when I flip her over
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
I’m havin’ a record yearQuarter notes and Hank’s half time
Are poundin’ on this heart of mine
Song to song, I pass my time
With these speakers on ten
Your good-and-gone keeps me up all night
Along with Songs In The Key Of Life
I’m either gonna get over you
Or I’m gonna blow out my ears
Yeah, you’re out there now
Doin’ God knows how, and I’m stuck here
Havin’ a record yearYour leavin’ left me goin’ crazy
I’m countin’ on a needle to save me
I drop it in the groove
And we go ’round and ’round
And down in a spiral
I guess I really oughta call and thank you
I rediscovered Red Headed Stranger
Got down with old James Brown
And found New Grass Revival
If you find your way back, I owe you a beer
For my record yearQuarter notes and Hank’s half time
Are poundin’ on this heart of mine
Song to song, I pass my time
With these speakers on ten
Your good-and-gone keeps me up all night
Along with Songs In The Key Of Life
I’m either gonna get over you
Or I’m gonna blow out my ears
Yeah, you’re out there now
Doin’ God knows how, but I’m stuck here
Havin’ a record year
Yeah, I’m havin’ a record year

Songwriters: Eric Church / Jeff Hyde Record Year lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC


Be classy, sassy and a bit bad assy.

XOXO

Leave a Reply