Hello, it’s me Bad to the Blonde. Yoga class? I thought you said “pour a glass”. For this Wine Wednesday workout you will need a bottle of wine, yoga mat, and blocks! This is a fun and free yoga workout even if you’re brand new to the mat! If you’re a seasoned yoga practitioner and professional wine drinker like myself, then here are some yoga poses like the virabhadrasana II or warrior 2 pose with wine. Wine bottles make great yoga props. If you’re not into either yoga or wine then consider this cheap entertainment.
Before we get down, dog
Whatever type of yoga you’re into, or whatever type you know how to pronounce, at least do some sort of stretch while you sit on your ass and read this. Thank me later. Oh, cheers! You poured a glass of this, right?
Disclaimer: So you don’t sue me because you got drunk and did yoga under the influence of alcohol and tore something…let me be clear that I am not a yoga teacher. I am just a wine drinker who occasionally practices yoga. I am not a doctor. Health insurance is a complete joke and a rip off, and yoga and wine cure everything.
Drop and give me zen
Let’s begin in a seated position know as an easy pose, or sukhasana, with of course the Wine Wednesday essentials – Manduka yoga mat and yoga blocks, and bottle of Winc 2015 Vinyasa Chenin Blanc – and find a comfortable drinking position.
I practice to relieve stress – just kidding, I drink wine. And if I drink I too much, I do an extended side angle pose called utthita parsvakonasana to boost energy by strengthening and lengthening the side body and get my liver pumping again.
You may close your eyes to inhale good shit and exhale bullshit. Feel the bottle in your personal space. Don’t think about the glass you forgot to grab. Drop and give me zen but don’t drop the wine bottle!
Yoga workout for wine lovers
May your Vinyasa yoga flow just like wine pouring out of a bottle. After this yoga workout and a few glass of this crisp white, you’ll feel like you traveled to a tropical paradise Just find vrikshasana or tree pose. It’s like your naturally creating an island breeze. Ok, you just might need a little more wine than a glass or two to get you there. Just get drunk enough that you don’t know where you are.
Unwind and wine
Let’s start bottle up and work our way down versus the other way around. Be strong, warrior wine drinker. Move through your Vinyasa experience by inhaling this particularly floral Chenin Blanc, with its heightened aromas of white flowers and tart fruit. Before you taste the crisp, refreshing flavors of stone fruit on the palate, take a big inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth and say om-nom-nom a few times.
And move into the next pose. Depending on how you are feeling, you can get creative. Just stay balanced. And the bottle makes a great yoga prop for ardha chandrasana or half moon pose.
Now, let’s gentle twist off the cap, I mean find revolved crescent lunge or parivṛtta aṅjaneyāsana. Wine will at least help you find downward dog. Or those triangle versions. I suggest a cahallenging tree pose variation for better balance like tree pose side bend or vrksasana side bend. Whoever said this is a beginner pose has not had any Vinyasa and wine. If you fall, just say tada like tadasana and call it good. You tried. That’s all that matters.
See you in Savasana
Sometimes you need yoga or wine, sometimes you need both at the end of a long ass day; namaste. Let’s chant, find our mantra, and cultivate spiritual growth. Let’s awaken ourselves and find out just how much wine we can drink while finding breath to movement. Yoga teachers say that. Wine and yoga are all about balance.
If you can’t balance and want to pass out just find bālāsana who is child’s pose, or child’s resting pose. There’s no right or wrong way to do child’s pose when wine is involved. Thank you for joining me on the mat today. (Always find child’s pose if you get dizzy. Or need to catch your breath.)
The photos in this wine blog are courtesy of Arizona boudoir photographer and portrait retoucher, and selfie portrait expert Emily J Wilson Photography.
Stay classy, sassy and a bit-sober enough to do badass yoga poses while drinking wine.